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ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 14 days ago

RFK Jr. Mandates All Americans Drink Mysterious Glowing Liquid

theonion.com

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RFK Jr. Mandates All Americans Drink Mysterious Glowing Liquid

theonion.com

ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 14 days ago
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WASHINGTON—Claiming the luminous potion would make the nation strong and vigorous, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. issued an order Friday directing all Americans to drink a mysterious glowing liquid. “In order to end the chronic disease epidemic in this country, it is imperative that every man, woman, and child take a large […]
  • errer@lemmy.world
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    14 days ago

    I mean if you swapped RFK Jr for Rick Perry you’d have a pretty accurate headline with no satire: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/11/us/politics/rick-perry-drug-psychedelics-ibogaine.html?unlocked_article_code=1.dk8.cpUf.XotB3zHLKRkD&referringSource=articleShare (gift link)

    Mr. Perry’s hallucinations, induced by the powerful psychotropic drug ibogaine he had taken about 45 minutes before putting on his eye mask, continued for more than 12 hours. The experience was an ordeal. He vomited intermittently and lost much of his body coordination. It took all of Wednesday to recover.

    • LousyCornMuffins@lemmy.world
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      13 days ago

      And he was in charge of the nukes? No joking?

      Oh Mr bones, I would like off now

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