My last 2 weeks have been a bit rough:
first there was an insurance issue I am still dealing with because my employer failed to submit relevant information on time. Payment will be effective only after employer submits correct information.
Then my employer claimed that someone had seen me using my cell phone while at work (theoretically, that’s not allowed, but everyone checks the time now and then, and normally it doesn’t affect the quality of the work). They claimed this happened eight weeks ago. I simply replied that I couldn’t remember anything like that.
This week I received a ticket from the transportation authority, where they claim I boarded a ship without a valid ticket, something I am appealing. I’ve never done this before but my friends are helping me. It’s not so much about the amount as it is about the feeling of being trampled on. I even showed the employee a copy of my ticket I had on my phone with my whole name, address and price I paid, but he ignored it. I already sent my side of the story to the authority and I’m waiting for an answer.
The thought of being forced to pay for a ticket I paid and showed as a copy of weighs heavily on me. I know I shouldn’t give it more importance that it deserves, but they way that employee treated me, the employee ignoring me, my explanations and the copy I had on my phone gives me an eerie feeling of injustice, that something is broken. I’ve been using that boat for 5 years and never had such an issue before.
If you are more resilient than me, how? I feel lost and as much as I’d like to forget about it I flash back to it, I cannot concentrate and I’m not sleeping very well.
I’d like to be stronger but I’m not.
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These situations objectively suck. One thing that’s stuck with me is asking: will this still matter in 10 years?
It doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to deal with it, but it does mean “this, too, shall pass”, and you’ll still be okay on the other side of it.
Qué Será, Será
Lifting weights/strength training is proven to reduce anxiety. You can start with pushups and squats until you get some dumbbells. It really does help.
I’ve found that “sticking up for myself” is a less motivating reasoning than, “Stick it to the assholes that probably do this shit to others too.” I can be passionate about helping victims very easily and help myself at the same time. The anxiety is predominantly caused by feeling wronged and like you’re not worth the solution. It’s extremely similar to depression, just with less perceived control. Similarly your self esteem is lowered and it can feed into the circle and spiral downward. If you position the actions against it as someone else’s benefit then there is no self esteem required and the circle is broken… at least for me, someone with chronic depression and anxiety later in life.
Ask them how they got it wrong. Request a policy change that would address it. If it’s public, foia their process on your ticket and resolution.
To be clear, I don’t mean be a Karen, but more just to insist that it’s a problem worth solving and that the solution should be making it impossible in the future, as broadly as possible.
As an example my car came back from an alignment/inspection and they only finger tightened all 20 lugnuts when they returned it. I called and refused to identify the employee or car, but requested a policy change to make that absolutely impossible to happen again. The manager was distraught and very serious, so I didn’t want to ruin someone’s life on something they could definitely learn to do better on. At the same time, someone else’s life could be ruined. For my own solution I’d just check it before driving every time work is done in the future but that doesn’t really help anyone else.
I don’t know, I’m dangerously close to a breakdown as it is. I used to tame anxiety by talking myself out of it logically, but now there are legitimate reasons for extreme anxiety and I’m not coping well. All I can offer you is internet hugs, hope we all get through what’s coming in one piece.
Working out, eating healthier, regular bedtime/sleep, reading a good book and less screen time help. Dialing down alcohol, caffeine and weed. Watching a few intro to cognitive behavioral therapy videos helps too. You’re probably ruminating. Developing the correct language to name your cognitive distortions, and being able to understand that just because you feel an emotion doesn’t mean that’s how things really happened helps.
That being said it sounds like you’re going through some rough stuff. Hang in there.
If you are more resilient than me, how?
It is what it is…
Doesn’t mean it’s right, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to fix shit.
Just an acknowledgement that right now, in this moment, it just is what it is and you have to deal.
It honestly sounds stupid and dismissive, but if you sit and think about it, it’s a valid coping strategy and reminder that sometimes people are just in a shitty situation and they have to deal with it.
Right now that person is you, and it sucks.
Later the situation might not be fucked, or you might not be the one in that situation at least.
But right now it sucks, and you have to deal. People have gotten thru a lot worse and you’ll get thru this too, there’s not really another option besides crashing out, and that doesn’t solve much
It is what it is.
You can mess around with weights and carrots, but pills work a whole lot better. SSRI is a fucking miracle.
Pills! Ask for them!
I have a long history in contemplative practice so this might not be of much use to someone who doesn’t but I find that unlike anger for example, anxiety is a sneaky emotion that often gets in and poisons your mind before you even notice it. At that point it’s hard to reverse. However, if you’ve been feeling fine and then detect anxiety creeping in, don’t resist it but instead see what it actually feels like. Be curious about the physical sensations especially. In my case there often isn’t even anything in particular that I’m anxious about. It’s this feeling of pressure in my chest that I interpret as anxiety but it’s not - it’s just a bodily sensation I associate with a negative mental state. Observing it this way in a way rids it of any meaning. Now it’s not “oh, I’m getting anxious” but instead “oh, there’s that sensation of pressure in my chest again.” I can just feel the physical sensation without attaching any emotional state to it. The feeling pretty much just evaporates the moment I point the spotlight at it. Detecting it early is the key.
If the objective truth is on your side, then you have nothing to worry about.
If you in fact weren’t slacking off at work, then it doesn’t matter what someone thinks they saw 2 whole months ago.
If you in fact bought a ticket for the boat, and you have ways to prove it, then nobody can force you to pay again.
Anxiety happens, to some more than others, and some situations can be very triggering and aggravating. But it can help to remind yourself that the facts are on your side and that the worst outcome is not very likely and not too bad.
With that said, if you find anxiety is a constant problem, then you might want to talk to a therapist about that, because brain chemistry can also be a factor.
I agree completely on this for anxiety. It’s helpful to keep this and similar perspectives: It’s not that I’m bad for not explaining it properly in the way that a hostile employer is satisfied with, instead it’s a hostile employer that views anxiety as a benefit to their power over you and is refusing to level with you or admit they could also be wrong. The lack of recourse or proof* is not you failing to earn it, it’s their failure to afford you what is common decency. You didn’t make a mistake, you weren’t nefarious, so if they won’t see that then it’s entirely a them issue.
Perspective is extremely important with mental traps.
Edit: typo
At least for the ticket situation, some of your anxiety may just be the unknown of it all. Once you come out the other side of the experience you may find that next time it doesnt phase you as much.
I got ticketed for a bug in my states public transport ticketing system. I could demonstrate the bug, but the internal review refused to acknowledge it, and I was forced to go to court to avoid the fine. That experience was very anxiety inducing, because I had no prior experience with the court system, and I had no idea if I was gonna face a far worse fine if they didnt side with me. Fortunately they did, but as a result, I’m much more comfortable going to court for these things, because it became clear to me that the courts really don’t care for minor things like public transport tickets, so as long as you are reasonable, you’ll win.
With your situation, if you have proof you had a ticket and evidence of a history of paying for tickets I suspect if you push hard enough it’ll get dropped eventually.
Good luck :)
