This sounds like a wkuk episode

Yeah, it’s easier if you lick your hand first. You’ll get used to the taste after a while

Damn, she showed up with that 12x18!

I heard that “who let the dogs out” by the Baha Men is about ugly girls coming to the club.

I was explaining this to a coworker, and one of my female coworkers were around. After I said it, I looked at her and said “oh my gosh I’m so sorry” because I thought it was inappropriate to say at work.

She took it as I was calling her ugly! (she was though)

Chloroform

Okay, we can all go home now, we found the winner

I was helping my mom shop for a new car, and we discovered she needed the requirement of “physical AC controls”.

Everything is all on the touch screen.

LASERJET COPIERS ARE SUPERIOR!

I’ve been using SwiftKey since like, 2012?

I just like the custom keyboards, and it learns my mistakes when I swipe. I always carry 2 phones, so I was able to sync the 2nd phone so my swipes are already learned on that phone.

Also, there’s a snow keyboard that collect snow at the bottom of the screen as you swipe.

No, they aren’t.

All of my coworkers are super trump supporters, they even bought the flag from the assassination attempt. Yesterday, one of them told me to go “fuck my couch” and I said “there’s enough couch fuckers around” which confused him.

I awkwardly explained the JD Vance couch thing (I know it was just a troll, it didn’t actually happen) and he BLEW UP. He was explaining that he looks up to and respects JD and I shouldn’t believe what I’m seeing on the internet.

When I’m dealing with ISP or phone customer service, I always ask for the cancelation department. They are motivated to keep customers so sometimes they’ll throw in a coupon, especially if you treat them like a human.

When my oldest was about 1, I buckled him in, but didn’t realize the carseat wasn’t buckled in.

About a mile down the road, I turned and we went tumbling across the car in his car seat. It was completely upside down by the end.

The only thing that kept me calm was that he was cackling with laughter. He thought it was the funniest thing. Never made thay mistake again!

I was told “he’s from Pennsylvania, he’s registered as a republican, but he’s a democrat. You see, the democrats have been voting as republican so they can vote on the republican ticket for Trumps enemies”

I just can’t. I’m not looking forward to work this week.

I have had a “biohazard” call at a local college.

The platen glass is a lot thinner than it looks!

Also, depending on the model of the copier, it will not let you copy money, and if you attempt it too many times, it will literally brick the machine.

Something cool to do is to take your phone and turn on the selfie camera. Lay that on the platen and make a copy to see a trippy pattern.

If you want to screw with someone, lay a single paperclip on the platen and make a bunch of copies of it. Take your copies and shuffle them into the paper tray face up (assuming you’re using an office laser copier) so every once in a while, someone will get a paper clip on their print.

Sometimes your printer won’t print in black and white if a color is out because it uses all of the colors to create a deeper black. Depends on the model though.

And some of them use yellow as a lubricant because yellow toner has a consistency close to water.

Also, please do not copy money or your butt. Trust me.

I haven’t been on Reddit since the day they killed the apps.

Life has been more peaceful in some ways, and I’m not as stressed out. I stopped watching the news too, which had a similar effect.

The spices at the grocery store I’ve been going to for the past 25 years has had the spices alphabetized this entire time.

Edit, I misread the question but I’m not fixing my response

I grew up as the “IT guy” in small town America.

This guy, and the people here (not you) sound like a lot of people I know. I’d look for a different job and grow your passion somewhere else. It isn’t worth it. You won’t change them, and they’re just going to make you feel like you’re wrong, even though you’re right. It’s like the movie Idiocracy.

One of my coworkers carries a flipper zero around and opens up every single Tesla gas door we see. He hasn’t tried it on the cybertruck yet, the ones I see are usually on the move.