Hello, my name is Cris. :)

I like being nice to people on the internet and looking at cool art stuff

  • 15 Posts
  • 258 Comments
Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: July 6th, 2023

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  • In a weird place. I have had to figure myself out and grow a lot emotionally and interpersonally because dealing with mental illness demanded it, but I stalled out pretty much entirely on all the functional independent person stuff.

    I haven’t had a job in like 3 years and I usually try not to think about it cause it makes me feel shitty and ashamed. And I keep telling myself I’m working at it, but I’m not entirely sure I am. Pre-covid I was making so much progress on mental health stuff but when the world shut down I kinda had to stop a lot of the things that I was growing by doing, and I lost access my therapist through dumb administrative issues at the hospital system where I was seeing him. And most of all, I lost the headspace I was in where I was trying to fix my problems instead of staying mired in self pitty and insecurity about whether I try hard enough.

    I finally have a therapist again as of like a month ago, but I dont know how to find that place mentally where I’m motivated and invested in my own growth again. I’m hoping to talk about it next session.

    I’m kinda terrified for my future. My sleep disorder is really hard to live with and its not easy to cope with the isolation and lack of sunlight it brings most of the time. Lately I’ve temporarily been on a daytime schedule (instead of nocturnal) which has made things easier, but its already fading and I know things will get much worse again once I can’t see people and loose access to sunlight.

    There are reports it can devlolve into a worse condition that would keep me from ever holding a normal job. I dont know how likely that is. Part of me feels it’s a really significant risk and it really scares me. Part of me feels I’m telling myself that out of self pitty and an insecure need to internally legitimize the disability I struggle to manage. I can’t find a sleep doctor knowledgeable enough about my area of issue to help given my disorder is complicated by a bunch of other health and mental health issues. The search is ongoing.

    I’m a weird mix of tired and burnt out, and wanting to be hopefull maybe I’m finally figuring some things out. But I’m not sure if I am. I keep feeling like I’m just around the corner from the final big milestone of having a job and then it just never comes, I get derailed, life gets in the way, and I stay stuck in my own dysfunction.

    But at least I learned how to change my oil yesterday. I’m pretty proud of myself for that; many thanks to my brother for helping me through the process and letting me do it all myself so I can remember. And now I have notes for next time.



  • I’ve given it a try and had a variety of experiences. It is not the way I intuitively relate to partners but it has been enjoyable as a practice that I have grown from

    But I will probably return to monogamy. Either next relationship (last poly connection ended a couple days ago) or some time in the future. But for many people it is a revelation that you can do relationships that way.

    It does require a lot of emotional maturity and willingness to work really hard at relationship building and personal growth though. If you go through with pursuing it, I hope it serves you well or that you positively grow and learn from the experience ❤️


  • Man if I ever get a smartwatch again this is where I’m headed. I love my little Casio’s though.

    I hope they make a one or two more options aesthetically. I think their current design is a good design, but really not my personal taste. I’d love to see another option or two as time goes on if its financially feasible for them!


  • Its not astroturfing, it’s that people have expectations of them beyond just being a browser that let’s you access the web.

    Frankly its not that great of a browser (its serviceable. And I use it, or a derivative, pretty much exclusively); generally the reason you use it is because you care about abstract things like not supporting the chromium monopoly, or wanting to pick the project managed with the most care for how it will impact actual humans

    And Mozilla has been making kinda crummy choices with respects to those abstract values more and more regularly it feels like 😅

    Like I really wanna love and support Mozilla. I’m using their browser cause I think its the best choice by the metrics that are important to me. And more and more I just feel kinda exhausted and kinda frustrated with them 😅










  • I was gonna reccomend splatoon 3 but its a switch game that’s primarily online multiplayer matches, and while you can absolutely play it with sticks only it REALLY shines brightest with motion controls (yes, really. Motion control for fps aiming is amazing), but lots of people do play with purely analog sticks for aim.

    Probably not quite what you’re looking for, but it does have a single player story and a really cool looking rougelite/roguelike mode, though I haven’t played the latter. And then it also has an online cooperative mode.

    Splatoon is a really unique movement shooter where shooting or attacking leaves colorful ink on the ground, which you can then swim in for mobility, health regen, and refilling your ink tank (your ammo). The enemy (in single or multiplayer) leaves their own ink color that slows you down, stops you from swimming, and slowly damages you when you’re standing in it.

    The result is a really interesting, fast paced fps about controlling space effectively and out maneuvering your opponent with a wide variety of weapons all with their own playstyles- the unique weapons are a huge highlight of the game