Do you know how hard I have to work to be more ridiculous than reality?

This is the story. Lemmy original, check my history by posts.

Enjoy!

“Shoot his balls!”

I’m on another list somewhere now, I can feel it.

I was invited to an orgy on a yacht this year, so maybe it’s just certain areas.

Tell them they sound like Libertarians, who don’t want to pay for road repairs because “the roads are already built.”

And that pony semen is allowed to be in your throat swab now.

The short answer is, it’s complicated. The long answer is that people are trying to build large net short positions while not spooking the bag holders.

Mine are teens now, here are a few pointers:

Let them help with the dishes/garbage/sweeping. I know they’ll make a bigger mess now, but in a few years they take well to chores.

When they start asking questions, always treat them with respect like they’re a smart person who’s missing a chunk of knowledge.

How you respond to falls and failures shapes their lives. When they fall, ask if they need help up. If they ask if it’s okay, say it’s going to be okay. When they mess up, ask if they can help you clean up without going into blame, other than discussing how to avoid that in the future.

Imagine if a great artist had some notebook sketches, and his son finger-painted all over them and then tried to sell them.

Would one of those “Hate is not welcome here” signs prevent them from entering, or does that depend on if the vampire hates their victim? I don’t hate the cow in my cheeseburger, so I’m guessing not.

Why dream when it can be recorded for you!

Yeah, how much did you lose?

A flower would also be acceptable.

That’s not what your mom said.

For the military, think about Amazon. They can get you a new dildo tomorrow because they have a huge infrastructure of warehouses around the country. The US has a world network of “supplies” for war that will be reduced and create more risk and a time delay if US interests are threatened. In practical terms, you don’t punch an American because America can punch you back tomorrow. If the US maybe can punch you back next week, you’re less concerned with ignoring their interests.

Practically, the local economies will hurt badly, like the Philippines after they reduced the US navel presence. There is also a “living next to a cop” effect that has had more value in the past, but has soured like the idea of living next to a cop.

For the US, we would now need to house all these troops locally, and would end up greatly reducing force size over 20 years. A big pile of active tanks training in Germany doesn’t get much news, but a bunch of expensive tanks training next to a huge line at a soup kitchen is a great photo op.

I was roommates with Dr. Funk.

If you are and you admit it, you’ll get more grace from intelligent people. Sometimes.

I once was taking a nice old man to the hospital, when he stopped breathing. I gave him a second and tried to rouse him, and he was pretty stubborn about it, but he still had a weak pulse. I called to my partner.

“Hey, how close are we to the hospital?”

“About 5 minutes, why?”

“Well, he’s not breathing. So if you hit any traffic, hit the lights, will you?”

I bagged him for about 3-4 minutes. Traffic was light, and we were making pretty good time, so we decided not to freak anybody out. The guy came to, and looked confused.

“What happened,” he asked.

“You stopped breathing, so I was breathing for you.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

“You are very welcome.”

He’s still the only person who ever said thank you when I tried to save their life.

I’m just one, simple man with his crystal ball and a knife with virgin blood on it.