My super power? Invisible to government bureaucracy. Every time I fill out my absentee voter reg, I get a response back telling me I forgot to fill out my birthday. On my last one, I took photos of the filled out form. I’ve never been assigned jury duty. When I go to the BMV it takes hours because they forget to put my number in the ticket system. (This has happened at multiple BMVs, across multiple states) and it’s not like I’m being an asshole or anything, I just get my number and wait patiently for my name to come up on the board, and after seeing the entire room cycle out once or twice I check in with the staff and they’re like “weird, your number isn’t in the system” despite me holding the paperwork/ticket with my call number on it.

My wife is a super taster/smeller. Like to an extreme level. She can’t eat bell peppers because they are too spicy. ( They do produce capsaicin, but so little that they are a scoville rating of 0), she can tell if I steal a sip of her drink, because she can taste the difference on her straw/cup. When we make pasta or mashed potatoes, she knows if I put a little sprinkle of salt in the water (were talking a pinch of salt for maybe 6-7 cups of water), and she can smell that much salt before she even tastes the food. When I eat out for lunch at work, she can not only tell me where I went to eat, but she call tell me what I ordered and if I made any alterations to the order. And no, she doesn’t just know what I like to order, I try new stuff for my lunch all the time. The craziest one was when we had a staff lunch, and she was like “Jimmy johns, roast beef, with mustard and hot peppers mix” and I was like “WTF” and she said “that’s what you said for lunch, please change your clothes and take a shower”. Here’s the rub… That was my first time trying JJs roast beef.

Maybe I’m just a filthy stinky person and don’t know it.

I can rumble my ears, do the vulcan greet, do Stan Laurel’s kneesy earsy nosey and the finger wriggle. I can also measurable lower my heart rate by conscious effort alone, and increase my body temperature by concentrating on it.

Well, not really superpowers since they are common in humans. However, they are pretty interesting abilities nonetheless.

• Advanced speech recognition. I can filter out speech of one person while ignoring other background noise and even other speech.

• Advanced face recognition. I can see faces in clouds, floors, and other inanimate objects. Also helps when looking at real faces of people in a crowd. See also: pareidolia

• Auditory hallucinations during hypnagogia. Look it up. It’s weird and trippy.

• Desensitization and habituation to capsaicin. I can eat spicy foods.

I can repressurize my ears without yawning, just by flexing a muscle. Even less useful, I can focus my eyes to different distances without using the finger trick, which comes in handy never.