Claim: Mamdani is a communist.
False: Any real communist will happily spend six hours explaining why this isn’t true.
Claim: He’s 34.
True: It’s time to get your shit together.
Wow …
Claim: My uncle says Mamdani will abolish the entire NYPD.
True: Your uncle does say that.🤣
Claim: Mamdani adheres to an extremist interpretation of Sharia law.
False: Mamdani remains honor-bound to the ancient samurai code of Bushidō.
Folks at The Onion are having a lot of fun, aren’t they?
I thought Onion articles were supposed to be false
Since 2000, the improbability constant of the universe has been rising at a geometric rate. It crossed the believability threshold in 2015, shortly before Donald Trump announced his candidacy for the Presidency.
At that point, scientists had predicted that the satire cycle would cease to circulate, leading to a breakdown of the humorsphere; but scientists at The Onion headed a task force that managed to find a loophole in the Costello Impossibility Limit, and allowed them to theoretically continue writing and publishing satire until the improbability constant reaches the Costello Limit and all of reality just becomes fiction (predicted to be some time in 2033).
Anyway, because of that loophole (which is named the “Twain Track,” after Mark Twain, who pioneered some of the early satire that eventually led to this discovery), satire is no longer required to be false.
Uh… I don’t think it’s a constant if it increases.
That’s why it’s improbable, duh
You get it.
Increasing constants are all the rage nowadays
Who can tell anymore.
That’s the same thing they said about the cosmological constant!
Not false, just satire. That usually means it’s made up shit, but not always.
I’m pretty sure the President of the Internet told me the Onion wasn’t allowed to tell the truth. Al Gore wouldn’t lie to me, would he?
Aced it
