Some of these are good, some are just needlessly assertive nonsense. Especially the two where it’s actively refusing to acknowledge fault or apologize for it, which is standard PR crap. Refusing to apologize and instead saying “thanks for your patience” is what I expect to hear from my ISP when they miss their scheduled install, not from a coworker.

There’s nothing wrong with being a normal human being that is capable of admitting their own shortcomings. If never saying sorry means “being a boss” then that explains why there’s so many sociopaths as CEOs.

“Hope that make sense?” Vs “Let me know if you have any questions.”

The latter is saying “here’s the explanation, figure it out, bother me again if you can’t”. The fromer, while poorly worded, is being helpful, actively attempting to make sure the person understands before leaving them to it. It’s both a kindness and doing your due diligence.

My personal ones for corporate use:

• Never use I when you can use we.

• Even if you’re the only one working on a project, never refer to it as yours. Always refer to it as ours.

• Don’t apologize, present solutions.

• Don’t say “read my fucking email again you goddamn illiterate moron”, say “As previously noted in our communications…”

I attach a goatse to my email communicationsz tonrrally drive home the point of urgency in the face of devastating consequences.

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“When can I expect an update” makes you sound like a micro managing POS

All of these are really good examples of writing a good email, except the bottom left one.

The “wrong” example is perfectly fine, and the “correct” example is pretty rude unless you’re a project manager addressing your team. Even if you were a project manager, it’s still pretty rude.

Some of these come across dickish

In a good workplace, none of these fucking matter…

Its not that simple. Its ok to apologize sometimes. But not so apologize every fucking time like I do for every minor slide. Also I can see the usefulness to just make the shot call instead of staying 1h writing that message/email. Others are ok too.

To be honest, I find most of these passive aggressive and patronizing.

Half of it is fragile CEO ego reply

YSK, the person that embraces all of these, as written, is RIGHTFULLY perceived as an assholes by their peers.

I greatly prefer some of the “wrong” ones. Not everyone needs to talk like a corporate robot.

The thank you for your patience one has always rubbed me wrong. There’s honor in apologizing in my opinion. I do like the making a mistake one though and I’ve tried to adopt that mentality when I’m working with QA on something I’ve merged. I want them to feel good about finding the mistakes and I want to avoid an adversarial relationship. I’ve learned that I get way better tickets from QA if they like how I treat them. Treat them like valuable experts and they’ll act like valuable experts.

For me personally, receiving a ‘just wanted to check in’ feels less aggressive than ‘when can I expect an update’

Otherwise I agree with the rest

As someone who frequently says “No problem” after someone thanks me for helping them, I’m now worried someone has taken that the wrong way.