Up front and center: I was appalled when I first learned the term “tradwife”, made me ill, still does. The word is mainly used by childish men who want a hot, submissive, mommy wife, while not understanding that they have responsibilities.
I say “sorta” tradwife because she has a job, but otherwise I think she fits the bill.
She does almost all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. I do a bit because I always have and sometimes want it my way. (I’m better at laundry dammit!) Her reaction falls between offended, like I’m taking her job or saying she didn’t do it well, and ecstatic, “because no man has done this for me!”
She’s mostly submissive, lets me make the decisions. If she does put her foot down, yeah, she fucking means it, that thing is going to go that way. Rare, and a bit uncomfortable for me, probably means I fucked up.
She’s always pretty, made up and stylishly dressed. Always. After being together 2 years, I still stare at her every day, always something new.
She’s Filipino and I’m American. This is normal for her, weird for adult me, but… I was raised by my Silent Gen grandparents, Beaver Cleaver style. Go watch a 50’s sitcom, that was my childhood in the 70s.
There’s much to be said about such an arrangement. My parents had zero arguments because they each filled various roles, never ever stepped on one another’s feet. It was never dad’s turn to do the dishes, never mom’s turn to mow the yard. Dad made the money, mom scrimped and saved and shopped. Dad helped me with my math homework (he was an engineer), mom helped me with English (the one thing she excelled at). Maybe most important, neither questioned the results of one another’s work. They had their jobs to do and it wasn’t any of their damned business how the other did theirs. (I’m sure they talked when I wasn’t around, but not much, at least some would have leaked.)
Obviously traditional gender roles can be swapped, mixed up, dealer’s choice. But for a child, or an adult, it’s damned nice to know who is doing what, no questions asked, stable situation for everyone involved. Say what you will, but imagine a childhood with no parental strife.
Now, come tell me how wrong I am. :)
You would be surprised how normal this actually is these days. At least people who grew up with a family that way
Nothing is wrong unless the other person feels forced. You can have whatever arrangement makes (both of) you happy and that’s it. That’s the rule.
I’m curious to hear the ages and salaries of you and your wife. I’m wondering how well this arrangement will continue if you have kids.
So far what you’ve described is not tradwife, it’s dual income no kids (DINK) with some traditional gender roles.
Both 54. She has 4 adult kids in Asia, I have two young ones in America.
Who takes care of the little ones?
My ex has them. We get them for holidays, spring break and summers. They’re 10 and 12, can mostly take care of themselves. Mostly.
Sounds like you’ve got it all worked out, but nothing about this is “tradwife”.
I have an actual tradwife. She stays home, no income, does all the house shit. Its still hard and we’re poor. We aren’t conservative by any means kids are just hard.
I was a stay at home mom/wife at various times in my 10 year marriage. I hate the term tradwife, but I guess I fit the picture.
If I wasn’t working, the house was my job. I did all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry. I made an effort to freshen up before he got home from work.
We found that when I was a housewife we actually had more time together, instead of trying to smash out laundry and un-fuck the house on weekends, it was all done, meaning we could just hang out when he was off work.
I do enjoy my work so for now I keep doing it part time, but I don’t think being in a marriage that has traditional roles is all that polarising.
Tried being a “house husband” for about 6-months in my first marriage. My wife’s friends were appalled.
“When I get home, I get a hot meal, yard is tight, son’s homework is done, house is clean.”
I just couldn’t stay home like that.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Every relationship is different. If she truly prefers it that way, then great, it works for you both.
However, if she ever says that she doesn’t feel equal, or that she doesn’t like it, hard stop it’s time to change. If you resist that change at all you immediately become an asshole.
Other key fact is that you don’t decide if she’s happy or if it’s working. She decides that
I would make slight alteration on what you said.
However, if she ever says that she doesn’t feel equal, or that she doesn’t like it, hard stop it’s time to change. If you resist that change at all you immediately become an asshole.
I wouldn’t say it’s time to make IMMEDIATE changes. I would say it’s time to talk about the WHY of what makes her feel unequal. It may not be the arrangement itself. It might be the way he treats her. Or it might be that she feels unfufilled and wants one aspect of the relationship to change. Communication is always key. I’d say talk before change.
Also wanting one style of relationship and her no longer wanting that doesn’t make him an asshole. It just makes them incompatable romantically.
I think this is less about gender roles and more about a one person income in a two person+ family, the way things used to be back in the MAGA 50s.
Idiots will blame women for the change, when in reality capitalism (and war) is the problem. It would be great if today a family of four can survive on one income and one parent takes care of the kids and chores and the other makes a living and everyone is happy with the arrangement. Doesn’t have to fall on gender lines.
Like another comment said, it would be interesting to know your age difference, and not to be judgy, how you met. Filipino family culture still has strong “traditional” roles (i.e. father works, mother cooks and cleans), so it’s possible she’s just operating on the culture she grew up with.
Both 54, met online dating. And yes, she’s operating under the culture she was raised with, and so am I. Turns out that works quite well.
My husband stays at home and does all things home (cooking, cleaning, kids etc.) and I work and do all things outside of the home. While we don’t have as much money as a two income household, not having to do daycare has been a real benefit both financially and for the kids. I think if it is possible (and makes everyone happy), it is an excellent lifestyle.
2 years together eh? Just wait few more years or until you have children.
We’re 54, new kids ain’t in the picture.
