A bit of advance for those who want very loud shits: get your ass crack waxed. I’m not even joking here, you will gain godlike powers in public restrooms. Consider for a moment how loud you can clap your hands. Now consider how much quieter your clap would be if your hands were covered in hair. I was dating an aesthetician once who waxed my ass after a boyzillian. My shits reverberated the corporate bathroom until the hair grew back in.